Captain uncool

"The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share (with each other) when we're being uncool."

Lester Bangs

Three cheers for the land snail, captain of the uncool. It looks like a tongue and is at least as mucousy, has two pairs of tentacles, a set on the bottom for smelling and the top for crude seeing. It would never "fit in" because it doesn't know how to be in a hurry, and is totally vulnerable to being stepped on by a boot, run over by a car or picked up by a bird. It has no ears, but it has both a penis and vagina--next to its face. While it's a hermaphrodite it cannot make babies by itself, so when it finds a partner and gets all cozy they insert their penises into each others vaginas and chill.